Ludacris is a genius and I don’t know if he even knows it! I’ve co-opted his song “Stand Up” to make my point, but the spirit the same. Well, not totally since I’m sure he was referring to some ample-gluted chick moving in a suggestive manner on a dance floor, but stay with me here. The song actually says when “I move, you move,” but I’m on some next levelness with it right now.
My life is changing, and that IS a good thing. Whenever change hits, whether expected, or unexpected, it is usually a good thing. The problem is that most of us don’t really know what is good for us. Before we get too deep into this thing. Let me preface this with the fact that I am emoting. This is not an idealistic rant, but a genuine spirit-born observation as it relates to my life. If you can glean something from it, Hallelujah! If not, Hallelujah anyhow!
Now, back to our previously scheduled program…
My life is changing and that is a good thing. I recently parted ways with my employer. I worded it like that, because that is exactly what it was—we parted ways. Details aren’t important for the point I’m trying to make. What is important is the hoopla surrounding it, and the things that begin to reveal themselves when God-ordained/initiated change is happening.
Often, when such changes occur, we are to busy either looking back, or skipping forward, to be in the right now. We miss the lesson and the point of the thing, and so we have to repeat it all over again. CHANGE IS GOOD. You cannot grow, without changing. Growth may manifests itself in different ways for each of us, but that it requires, is the harbinger of, or the result of change is constant. If you aren’t growing you are dying, and that is a heck of a way to go through life.
For those that I’ve lost, the growth I’m referring to is spiritual. The precursor to true emotional and mental growth, and everything else follows suit. From religious ideology, to psychology, to weight management, they all preach change starts on the inside. It is a spiritual move—one many of us miss because it can be subtle, or, as in my case, acute, but it’s there.
So here I am in the midst of change and I will not miss the process. While still in spiritual transition however, it is difficult to manage the outside world. And with a change such as this, the stream of questions (“What happened?!” or “What’s next?!”) have been endless. I’ve been asked one of the above no less than a million times in three days (a gross exaggeration, but you feel me). And you want to know the truth? I have no clue what’s next.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it, or tried to make plans, or that I don’t have ideas, or even options. It means that for me, I really don’t know which move is the best one—yet. There are immediate opportunities. Take the job offered in this state. Move across the country and do this thing. But the idea that has called to my spirit is just be still. And that, my dears, is the hardest thing to do.
It’s not about just being still, sitting on the couch, and popping Bon Bons all day (I don’t even think I’ve ever HAD a Bon Bon! What the hell is that anyway?!). No, it’s about being still and knowing that God is still God whether I have a seemingly glamorous title, or position, or not. It’s about doing all of those things I’ve put off that I never had the time to do because of work, and it’s about NOT wasting this time watching Nancy Grace take over the throne Jerry Springer abdicated so long ago, or watching bedazzled vampires glitter in the sun for the one hundredth time.
Here’s the real: In the two months leading up to making this official, I have seen hundreds of jobs I might like, even love. I’ve seen hundreds of ones I could take if circumstances dictated that I just had to have something or we were going to starve or be homeless. But the truth is, I haven’t been released to do any of the above. What I am free to do is BE STILL and KNOW. That’s it.
Some people think I’m crazy; some are rolling with me on this, while *shooting me the side eye,* and others are giving me what I need—opportunity, the means, and most importantly the prayers to just be still. For anyone who knows me, being still is not my forte. I’m always into something, have something working, or looking forward to the next thing. But God has not revealed that yet. I can feel the energy behind the door. I’ve caught a glimpse through the window. But it’s not time. Right now, I’m baby-stepping it toward living in the here, and now. That doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything! There are my educational pursuits, and this oft-neglected-but-now-that-I-have-time-will-be-regularly-updated blog, and some other projects that are in queue (the future glimpse through that window is looking mighty bright!). But the latter have to get the God-stamp. Because I cannot—will not—move until He says move.
That does present a bit of a practical dilemma, seeing as I have grown up responsibilities to tend to. However, for every excuse I can think of for, moving NOW!, doing something NOW!, all that good home (church) training pops up, and I hear, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Or when I feel like I really am being crazy, I hear, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
And then the “buts” start: But what about the rent, food, and the baby?! But what about the light bill, and the water bill, and the car note and the… And I hear, “Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?” or “And my God will meet all your needs* according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
And what of the career path I’ve worked so hard to establish? What of all my contacts and connections? “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” And just as I get ready to start another round of “buts” and “ands” I hear, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?”
That’s a hell of a question. Why do we ask/expect of God abundance, and provision, and blessings, and we don’t even do what he tells us? So, this is me doing what I’m told. This is me being still and just knowing. And when God moves I’ll move, just like that.